Covering the French tour groups allows me to practise my French, and yet, I’m too shy to speak French with the French. It’s a beautiful language, one of my favourite languages where pronunciation seems so easy. The sounds are elegant, and you don’t as much spit to speak. In other words, your tongue doesn’t have to be as talented.
I’m just not much of a grammar person when it comes to French. I find tenses very confusing. It makes me sad if I have to speak in past or future tense, especially in another language, because I become more aware of time. In English, nothing matters, everything falls into place, but I feel very insecure in German, French, and Chinese.
In my latest dream, I was climbing up the stairs. I was speaking a mixture of German and French.
GOD, I’M GETTING SO IMPATIENT.
I’m not a person that waits for long, I’m not a person that let things drag on, I’m not a person that speaks much, I’m not a person of no reason, I’m not a person that sleeps much, I’m not a person that fakes a smile, I’m not a person that falls quickly, I’m not a person that dates anymore, I’m not a person that takes anything for granted, I’m not a person that puts the lid down, I’m not a person that follows instructions, I’m not a person that always calls back, I’m not a person that says it first, I’m not a person that gives much shit, I’m not a person that wears much in bed, I’m not a person that will give birth, I’m not a person of no plot, I’m not a person that makes the first move on someone, I’m not a person that will settle down, I’m not a person that wants to lose count on the guys she’s shagged, I’m not a person that likes to share food, I’m not a person that makes promises, I’m not a person that chews on pens, I’m not a person that always knows how to breathe, I’m not a person that asks for anything, I’m not a person that you know…
And you wonder, why waste thoughts on things that you’re not when you already know who you are? There is nothing you can do other than accept.
It’s because–all the things that you’re not–are the things you can be on paper. It’s just a way of making dreams come true and have something to masturbate on without feeling lonely and useless.
The next woman on paper will be French.
