P-chan's messy head
You can disappear now.
It’s interesting how fast the three decades of my life have passed. I remember how two decades ago I would look forward to Christmas Eve; that’s when people in Northern Germany (and in other countries) celebrate Christmas. You get to open the presents already, and I used to love it. My parents’ friends and their Read More …
I guess I never had a healthy relationship in the past where we had to deal with compromises. We never got that far. And I don’t seem to compromise well, either. I’m…selfish. Or I’m scared of constantly giving and giving without getting anywhere like ten years ago. It’s almost like I’m wholly ruled by fear Read More …
You can fall in and out of love with a country. And I have fallen out of love with Canada. This country is not as welcoming as it portrays itself. And what keeps me here is nothing but my boyfriend and the gym. Surely I don’t want to stay here for good, but it’s handy Read More …
November 14 is a friend’s birthday, but I deactivated my Facebook, so I can’t congratulate him. I could easily email him, but it would be awkward because we haven’t spoken in sixteen months. He used to say that birthdays didn’t mean anything to him. Throughout my life, I met a lot of people like that. Read More …
I certainly didn’t need the extra hour. Suddenly, I sleep more because I can afford to. In the light of November, I noticed that October has already taken away all the autumn leaves, and there’s no more going back. I only regret not having gone for a second and last walk up the hill. It Read More …
I’m going to make this short, like really short, because why would you, after five years of following this blog, re-read the same shit over and over again? How many times did I say I was on the threshold of change, and it all ended up the same? I don’t even want to know the Read More …
Most of this month’s blogs have been trashed or put aside. So I looked up at the devil in front of me, the same devil that inspired me to write The Archer’s Crisis. That was how guilt blossomed into an idea involving precognition and archery. I used to have good ideas, and I’ve always had Read More …
Half-dead crickets keep appearing from out of nowhere in my motel room in Dallas. I found a squashed one under my sink (, must have stepped on it), and I found a couple of legless ones, too – still alive. Damn the housekeeper’s vacuum cleaner. I’ve seen grasshoppers, but I don’t think I’ve seen any Read More …
This state talks a lot about the positive aspects of natural destruction, i.e. how natural fire caused by lightning destroys all the high-standing spruces. That way, all the willows grow easily in the sun, and moose can feed on them. Metaphorically speaking, is something out there that can burn away all my dark layers? And Read More …
I feel far away from home, both homes. The moment I embarked on the boat in Seward, I felt slightly off-balance and prayed that I would not get motion sick. The last long ferry/boat cruise was from Helsinki to Tallinn (in 2008). As long as I remained outside on the top deck, I was fine, Read More …
